A Letter to a Young Man

Might that be you?

I realize that many of my current readers are not young men, but perhaps you know someone who would benefit from this:

Dear Friend,

On this day, I can think of no greater honor than to have you read and thoughtfully consider my words. You matter so much more than you know. You see, our world and our enemy have assumed that you will blindly follow those who have aimlessly stumbled into the seemingly inescapable and self-destructive abyss of pornography. Your enemy rolls his eyes and laughs at the mere suggestion that you might resist the sirens’ call to take the broad road to self-destruction. He has overlooked you and your noble calling to battle for your own self-respect as well as for those who are no longer capable of fighting for themselves. He thinks you lack the capacity to resist. But I know better; and somewhere inside you, so do you.

My generation discovered hordes of magazines filled with photographs of naked women under beds, in bedside tables, closets, sheds, and trunks hidden in the basement. We used those photographs to construct brothels within our own heads. Most of us never gained the discipline to say no when given the opportunity to add a new person, image, or thought. We just built new brothels next to the old ones. Simply strolling memory lane diverted our eyes and our thoughts to forbidden places as we engaged friends, teachers, co-workers, complete strangers, and even the wives and mothers of friends. The results of such vile thoughts were the increasing objectification of women, a growing sense of restlessness, and a dark sense of personal shame. 

Then came the internet. What was a secret path to hidden places for my generation became an interstate of opportunity for those who would follow. As the opportunities grew, those who created them expanded the perversion through algorithms which track even the most subtle curiosities explored online to custom tailor a plethora of click-baits intended to abduct your attention and drag you into the abyss. Most males lose the ability to co-exist within a life of external integrity and an ever-growing internal fantasyland before they even consider such a possibility.

Instead of setting a noble example for you by standing tall, loving God, and honoring women, the generations before you are largely groveling in despair and shame, deceived into longing for what will leave them hollow and empty. The weight of those secrets grows over time. Trust has been broken. Respect demolished. Marriages shattered. Futures decimated.

I’m asking you to defy those who assume you will simply fall in line, blindly pursuing your own destruction. I’m asking you to fight. I’m asking you to flat out rebel against the path of least resistance. My guess is that you have already tasted the forbidden fruit. You’ve underestimated the power of the seed planted within your own brain, and perhaps you’re already sensing the presence of the evil vine rapidly growing and intertwining itself with your everyday life. It is not harmless, and it will not simply die. Shame keeps many of the men in your life from telling you how it has wrecked their lives and how it will undoubtedly wreck yours.

You may think I’m calling you from recklessness to religion. I’m not. Religion simply says, “Try harder, do better.” That kind of religious strategy will just add to your shame. The world is full of religious men who are hopelessly grinding through long to-do lists, while at best simply postponing their next trip through the redlight district of their minds. What was once a snack on a long buffet, is now a brutal slave master. And this slave master steps in as consistently as hunger, sleep, or gravity.

I’m not calling you to religion. I’m calling you to the cross. I’m calling you to Jesus, who knows exactly what you have done, exactly what you are considering, and loves you enough to trade his life for your shame. He thinks you’re worth dying for. He will always accept you. He’s eager to save you. He’s prepared to strengthen you. He will free you. And he wants to enlist you.

Consider Isaiah 41:10 (NLT):

Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. 

Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. 

I will strengthen you and help you. 

I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.

Don’t let the world tell you who you are.

If you have trusted in Jesus Christ, God says,

You are his son (John 1:12)

You are a friend of Jesus (John 15:15)

You are a branch of the true vine, Jesus Christ (John 15:1, 5)

You have been justified & redeemed (Romans 3:24)

You are no longer a slave to sin (Romans 6:6)

You will not be condemned by God (Romans 8:1)

You have been set free from the law of sin and death (Romans 8:2)

You have been accepted by Jesus (Romans 15:7)

Your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 3:16, 6:19)

You are joined to the Lord and are one spirit with him (1 Corinthians 6:17)

The hardening of your mind has been removed in Christ (2 Corinthians 3:14)

You are no longer a slave, but an heir (Galatians 3:28)

You have been set free in Christ (Galatians 5:1)

You are chosen, holy, and blameless before God (Ephesians 1:4)

You are forgiven and redeemed by the grace of Christ (Ephesians 1:7)

You are God’s workmanship created to produce good works (Ephesians 2:10)

The peace of God guards your heart and mind (Philippians 4:7)

God supplies all your needs (Philippians 4:19)

You are complete in Christ (Colossians 2:10)

Each day, God will affirm these things in you and the world will seek to deceive you. Both messages will be ever present. But you’ll only hear those messages that affirm what you’re already thinking. That means your focus matters. It’s like buying a white truck, and suddenly noticing every other white truck on the road. Your brain has programmed itself to notice white trucks and overlook blue SUVs. You get to choose your focus every single day. That’s why it’s important to start each day remembering, perhaps even stating, who God says you are. In doing so, you’re deliberately setting your focus for the day. The more consistently you start your day focused on God and His Word, the less likely your focus will be stolen by the garbage the world offers.

God’s grace will always be greater than your sin. He wants you to spend eternity with Him. But He also wants you to have an incredibly fulfilling life, knowing freedom, joy, peace, adventure, and love. I’m writing you because I have counseled hundreds of men, and not one of them have ever found any of what God wants for them, or even what they really want, through sexual lust and pornography. That’s why God tells us to flee from sexual immorality. It will steal your life in ways you have yet to imagine.

The generations before you have done little to thwart our enemy’s injustice. God’s children, his daughters, are being objectified, monetized, and mistreated. The girls on those porn sites are not simply pixels. They are daughters, as special as your own, who have been degraded, deceived, and abused. In many cases, they are slaves, bound by addictions, sorrows, shame, or even chains. We’ve publicly turned our backs or overlooked their needs, while secretly looking back and ogling over their bodies.

Someone must step up. Someone released from the darkness must return with the Light. A young man, humble enough to listen, secure enough to love, compassionate enough to fight injustice, and faithful enough to trust Jesus to arm him against a modern-day Goliath, is needed. Might that be you?

You’re not ordinary. There are no ordinary people. Only those who have found their value and purpose in Christ, and those who have not. Everyone thought David was ordinary, yet God did the extraordinary through him. Might you be next?

I can’t think of anything sadder than a young man with the potential to overcome a giant, who simply gets deceived and imprisoned by the enemy; and I can’t imagine anything more fulfilling than being a man of integrity armed, deployed, and led by Jesus himself. Be strong and courageous my young friend.