Bittersweet
Elegant. Beautiful. Joyful. Graceful. Kind. Faithful. Gentle. Generous. Perseverant. Persistent. These are some of the words that I would use to describe my friend who concluded her 81 years of life in this world last week. As cancer ravaged her stomach and lungs for years, she had a defiant radiance that signaled a steadfast inner beauty anchored in faith that would not be extinguished. What a beautiful woman! I’m confident that she took her last breath in this world just before taking her next breath with her Lord and Savior. I find myself imagining Jesus calling to her:
“Come then, My beloved, My lovely one, come.
For see, winter is past, the rains are over and gone.
Flowers are appearing on the earth. The season of glad songs has come.
The cooing of the turtledove is heard from our land.
The fig tree is forming its first figs, and the blossoming vines give out their fragrance.
Come then, My beloved, My lovely one, come.”
Song of Solomon 2:10-13
Conflicted
The loss of a such a faithful wife, mother, family member, and friend always brings inner conflict for believers. On one hand, we know the promise of Heaven…
“Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” Revelation 21:3-4
We celebrate our trust that she is no longer suffering. We confidently proclaim her victory as a resurrected believer. We trust that she is experiencing the joy of life far beyond the trials and challenges of this world. We’re grateful she shared life with us. We have such treasured memories.
On the other hand, we grieve this new hole in our lives. We miss her. Our lives have been irrevocably altered. Her husband of 61 years must learn to sleep alone. Meals are different. Home is different. Her daughter will pick up the phone countless times just to talk to mom. Life is different. Someone once said that grief is learning to live with loss. I think that’s true. It’s a lot like learning to walk again. Lot’s of stumbling.
The intertwining of gratitude and grief creates an internal conflict. It’s bittersweet. Yet, our God promises to walk through the valley of the shadow of death with us.
We may ask Him, “Why?” Then again, the death rate in our country is still 100%. No one has simply walked out of this life on their own two feet. Perhaps we should ask, “Why not sooner?”. Perhaps we’ll never know how much of a loved one’s life was merely God’s gift of grace to us. Perhaps God gave us more time than the person may have had apart from God’s love for us. Remember, for the believer to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. She’s not suffering. She has not experienced loss. She’s in the presence of the Lord. My understanding is that time is an earthly concept, and there is no need for it in heaven. If that’s true, she will not notice years passing before we join her. We may arrive years from now, and it may be, to her, as though we were simply in the restroom.
God is a promise keeper. Again and again, we see Him keep extraordinary promises in Scripture. In the Garden, He prepared a beautiful place for His people before He created them. Then, he gave it to them. In Egypt, He promised His people a land flowing with milk and honey while they were still in captivity. Then He freed them, and led them there. In John 14:1-3, Jesus told us that He would go and prepare a place for us, then return to take us there. Now, I trust that He has kept his promises to my friend. I suspect her perfectly sized dinner gown with matching shoes and accessories were waiting.
And he’s kept his promise to her family and friends. He is walking through the valley of the shadow of death with them. Now, I just pray they’ll find themselves continually aware of His presence as they walk through the days ahead. For with an awareness of His presence comes a peace that surpasses understanding and a joy that is unbound by circumstances. He is patient, loving, and kind. He is also trustworthy. He will navigate the bittersweet entanglement of gratitude and grief with those who trust Him.