Healing the Hidden Wounds Beneath the Images of Perfection

We live in a world of carefully curated images. Whether it’s the clothes we wear, the vocabulary we use, the cars we drive, the videos we post, or the photos we edit, we are each pursuing an image of perfection. It may be our unique perception of intelligence, popularity, sexiness, faithfulness, or toughness, or it may be a more widely accepted or respected image of our profession, sport, or clique. But most modern Americans are both intentional about their own image of success and bombarded by the images of others’ success. The perfect image can sell our products, highlight our success, draw admiration, and even respect, define our place in the world, or simply tell our story the way we want it told.

Unfortunately, the pursuit of the perfect image can also leave us unknown and disconnected. Since no one is perfect, pursuing the image of perfection requires us to hide our imperfections. Over time, this hiding of our flaws and vulnerabilities leaves us feeling unknown and disconnected. No two humans have ever connected over the image of perfection. Perhaps they found mutual respect or motivation, but connection is not the product of the pursuit of perfection.

In fact, one of the great tragedies of our era is that people still think of social media as a means to authentically communicate and connect, even referring to one another as “friends.” While I find some value in social media and do not wish to dismiss such value, the fact that we continually treat an entertainment and performance platform as a communication and connection platform may be one of the most socially damaging issues of our time. Most posts are intended to perform and entertain rather than being accurate presentations of the person or organization posting. When we forget what we’re viewing, envy, lust, self-pity, and a hosts of negative emotions follow our personal comparisons with air-brushed, edited, carefully curated images that rarely reflect reality.

Deep connections are the result of recognizing shared imperfections. When you realize a shared struggle or vulnerability in a culture pursuing perfection, a kinship emerges ripe with relief and empathy. “You too,” may be the most connecting two-word combination in the English language. It’s often the crucial lifeline that keeps someone from drowning in hidden marital, parenting, financial, personal, or professional struggles.

Yet, for the Prodigal who is far from a healthy relationship with God or others, finding a place where one can take off the mask of one’s professional or personal perfect image is often relegated to engaging in dark destructive forms of escape.

That’s when the church should be a lighthouse by a raging sea. The church is a community of people, broken people (there are no unbroken people), who trust Jesus, worship Jesus, and seek to follow Jesus. Unchurched people simply roll their eyes when told about great teaching and preaching. They can’t fathom how preachers, stained glass, music (old hymns or contemporary praise), fellowship, or other church events will help them. Telling them about our church activities will not help them. Instead, we should be telling them about our friends who let us be ourselves without judgement, who love us through martial strife, parenting fiascos, life transitions, addictions, bankruptcies, chemo, and devastating losses. That’s what they know they lack. The longer they have pursued perfection, the more unknown they feel. We should be telling our unchurched friends about our community of church friends who cared about our estrangement from our kids or our health issues and loved us through them. We should be inviting them into such relationships. Then as we introduce our unchurched friends to our church friends and invite them to be part of our community, we may get the opportunity to introduce them to our Lord and Savior as well. But we are his hands and feet. We must be willing to offer them what they need as we bring them step by step closer to Jesus.

In a culture hell-bent on presenting the perfect image, it’s increasingly rare for most people to have anyone with whom they can be real. It doesn’t happen with one’s clients whom you want to impress or with co-workers with whom you’re competing to climb the ladder. That’s when the church, whether meeting in someone’s home, outdoors, in a classroom, or around a dinner table becomes sacred ground – when broken people who have embraced God’s love and grace extend that love and grace to other broken people.

Make no mistake, the more perfect a person appears, the more hidden who he knows himself to be, for there are no perfect people, online or in-person. At some point, keeping others at arm’s length, no matter how friendly, likable, or good-hearted, fails everyone. There are no perfect people. The ruthless pursuit of the image of perfection leaves everyone with a gaping hole that the Bride of Christ is perfectly suited to fill.

It's time to make a meaningful difference in people’s lives by promoting church relationships rather continuously striving to impress them with church activities or simply sliding into the apathy of thinking we have nothing to offer our unchurched friends until they simply get it. Opportunities for this abound for those willing to simply be vulnerable and encouraging with others.