I Love You & I've Got You

Swimming was a big part of my childhood. At eight years old, after three or four years of swimming lessons, I joined a swim team that practiced in the indoor Olympic-sized pool at Georgia Southern College (now University). Having never competed or swam in such a pool, it was a big deal. I soon found myself competing in every event with a teammate named Michael.

One day after practice, our coach asked if anyone wanted to jump off the high diving board. Afraid that my silence might give Michael an opportunity to outshine me, I momentarily forgot my fear of heights and thrust my hand in the air. I was the only one. Carrying the expectations and admiration of my entire team, I strutted over to the ladder and proudly climbed about six steps… and froze.

As I looked around, I could feel the sweat on my forehead and upper lip. My feet weighed fifty pounds each.

What had I done?  

Michael’s snickering moved me two more steps upward. Then I experienced some form of mental paralysis. I couldn’t move. I could not go up or down. My mind and body were in full lockdown. I knew nothing of this kind of fear.

I completely lost awareness of time and space while using every ounce of my energy to cling for life to that ladder, until I felt a small push from below. Suddenly, I was aware of the coach on the ladder with me – prodding me to go up. With that recognition, came the realization that everyone in the pool area was watching me. I vividly remember the overwhelming fear of knowing that everyone may watch me throw up all over our coach.   

After what seemed like an eternity, I found the wherewithal to ask if I could get down. As if there was some fear of being unclear, the answer was a simple and direct “No.” I was in bondage. I could not imagine going up and I was not allowed to go down. That’s when my coach started what I’m sure he thought was encouragement, “You’ve got this. You can do it. Don’t be afraid.”

Seriously? He couldn’t possibly know what was going on within me. Parts of my body that had never had a voice were screaming words inappropriate for adults, much less an eight-year-old.

I was trapped. Part of me knew I could never survive the social stigma of climbing down. Part of me flat refused to go up. Another part of me wondered how long I could survive on the ladder. And every part of me hated the coach. I hated him for not letting me down, but I hated him even more for initiating this maniacal post-practice torture.

Eventually, I climbed onto the board. That’s when I realized that the handrails did not extend to the end of the board. I had to walk out onto this tiny, shrinking sliver of fiberglass far above the rest of the world, without holding onto anything. I felt sure I would die as the entire building seemed to bounce with each step. Certainly, my memory has betrayed me because I could swear that I was up there for at least three days.

Behind me, the coach kept encouraging, “Don’t be afraid. You’ve got this. You’ll be everyone’s hero.”

Finally, I leapt…

With closed eyes, open mouth, and a blood curdling scream, I threw myself into the oblivion…

and landed face-first.

I survived. But the eight-year-old climbing out of the pool teary-eyed, red-faced, bloody-lipped, and with my two front teeth chipped was no one’s hero.

I have not been on a high dive since.

Years later, as a new believer, a preacher told me that God’s most common command in Scripture is “Fear not.” Remembering the coach on the ladder, I thought, “Great. Just what I need, another ‘Don’t be scared. You’ve got this’ talk.”

But God never says, “Don’t be scared. You’ve got this.” Instead, God says, “Don’t be afraid. I love you & I’ve got you.”

When Abraham was having doubts, God assured him to fear not because He was with Abraham.

When Moses offered excuses, God said I am right here.

When God called Joshua to be strong and courageous, He did not tell him that he could do it. Instead, He said I am with you wherever you go. You can trust me.   

David could face any enemy because he trusted God was with Him.

David told Solomon, “Fear not, for the Lord will be with you.”

The Angel told Mary, “Do not be afraid. For you have found favor with God.”

Throughout Scripture, men and women of faith are told to fear not, but trust God instead. For God is not some powerless coach simply trying to get us to overcome our fears and motivate us to jump into the unknown. God is all powerful, all knowing, all loving, and ever present.

He is not encouraging, “You can do this.”

He’s encouraging, “I love you and I’ve got you.”

When we read or hear the Word of God,

and it challenges us to change or grow,

when we think we can’t possibly do what it says,

when we think we’ll go broke,

when the fear is paralyzing,

when we think we’ll be embarrassed,

when we think we’ll be rejected or mocked,

when everyone else does otherwise,

when we’re unsure of the costs,

when we fear for our lives,

God says, “Fear not. I am with you. I love you & I’ve got you.”