Let's Wrestle to Win!

...and overcome our tendency to wrestle not to lose

In youth wrestling, every kid can be put into one of two categories early in their first season. Most beginners enter their first match poised to taste victory. But after a quick loss to a more seasoned wrestler, it’s the start of the second match that gives an experienced coach insight.

Following the referee’s whistle to start the match, some kids step forward determined to be the aggressor. These young wrestlers are in the first category – they are wrestling to win. They are initiating action, taking chances, confident that risks bring rewards.

But many others will step back, taking a more defensive posture. They are focused on avoiding the embarrassment and discouragement of another loss. Their strategy is one of reacting in ways that minimize risks. They are the second category – wrestling not to lose.

Either can become successful, but experienced coaches know that those wrestling to win will likely achieve a winning record much sooner than the kids who are wrestling not lose can change their mindset to wrestling to win.

Ironically, it’s the wrestling not to lose mindset that causes these young wrestlers to lose. Because they have no plan to win, and they are focused only what they must do to avoid losing, they are always one mistake away from losing. Their best chance of winning is when wrestling another kid who’s also wrestling not to lose. Though these matches are difficult to watch as they more closely resemble dancing than wrestling with each kid circling, but neither initiating action.

I suppose playing not to lose can be a legitimate strategy in some sports, though I can’t imagine excitement around any competition where each side starts the competition playing not to lose. Boring.

Unfortunately, our churches are full of believers who are wrestling not lose, only willing to embrace low or no risk opportunities. Like the young wrestlers, our unwillingness to engage others and initiate action that could possibly end in some form of rejection leaves us with no chance of tasting the victory of being used to make an eternal impact in the lives of others.

Well intended believers who are wrestling not to lose pour themselves into replicating the kind of religious activity that routinely draws approval from other believers they know while steering far away from the kinds of activity that might make those same friends raise an eyebrow. Their focus on the approval of other like-minded people leaves them looking boring and lifeless to those outside the church. They may quietly acknowledge their own inability to connect unreached people to Jesus but imply that the weight of that responsibility is on someone else while marching forward with the status quo making church a place of comfort for those they’re afraid to lose rather than a victorious people doing what has not been done to reach those who have not been reached.

Other believers wrestling not to lose tend to focus on the minimal effort it takes to be married, raise children, keep their jobs, overcome addictions, or maintain their respectable image. Rather than focusing on the abundant life, joy, peace, love, and freedom that God promises, they attempt to do just enough to keep from losing. While they could have great marriages, rewarding relationships with their kids, expanding job opportunities, freedom from addiction, or authentic lives, they choose to walk as close to the line of losing as they can with no real investment, just one mistake away from inevitable loses. Like the young wrestlers, without a plan to win, they are destined to lose.

So how do we overcome our tendency to wrestle not to lose?

First, we must set goals. Whether it’s reaching family members and friends with Jesus, having a great marriage, being a great parent, overcoming bad habits, or having more joy and peace, we must define and begin envisioning the win. Remember, those wrestling not to lose unknowingly keep themselves focused on the potential loss. You won’t earn what you can’t see. Picture the win. What are you building?

Once you define and envision the win, you know what you’re building. The second step is to adopt a filter that you consistently use to determine the best use of your time, energy, and effort. Here’s the filter:

Is this decision or activity constructive?

Does this decision or activity contribute to the win I’ve defined?

These are simple questions with simple yes or no answers. Whenever possible, you want to replace a decision or activity that does not contribute to your win with one that does.

DO NOT complicate your process by asking, “Is this constructive or destructive?” By doing so, you’ll create a trap for yourself. Anytime you ask, “Is this destructive?”, you open the possibility of saying, “Well, this may not be constructive, but it’s not destructive either.” At that point, you’ll create a third “neutral” category. But be honest, are the decisions and activities that fall into the neutral category more likely to become constructive or destructive in the long run? If you don’t already know, you’ll find out – neutral activities are far more likely to drift into the destructive category and move you away from your goals.

The message of the Christmas Season or Advent for those who wrestle not to lose is simply “Jesus came.” But the message of the Christmas Season or Advent for those with the wrestling to win mindset is “Jesus came and He’s coming back soon. Let’s make the most of what he’s entrusted to us!”