Navigating Natural Tendencies

After thirteen moves in the first ten years of marriage, my wife and I have been in the same house for over 20 years. Living in one house for over two decades teaches one a lot about the roads near that house. I’ve learned every consistent obstacle on my route to and from home. I know where every pothole is and whether to straddle, veer left or veer right to minimize the discomfort. I know which railroad tracks one can hit like Vin Diesel, and which ones will cost you an alignment if you do. I know where the popo tends to sit, and which intersections to avoid during the busier commute times. In short, if I’m paying attention, I can navigate any of the roads near my house without bumping my wife’s head on my truck’s headliner, adding to my citation collection (a past hobby), or getting stuck in traffic.

“IF I’m paying attention…”

Likewise, three decades of ministry has taught me when and where consistent obstacles tend to detour those of us seeking to faithfully follow Jesus. One of those obstacles is gossip. As surely as potholes appear on asphalt roads, gossip works its way into conversations among those faithfully serving the Lord. The most natural thing in the world for compassionate people serving side-by-side is to share our detailed concerns about the behaviors of wayward or absent folks; and we feel so good about ourselves as we share the genuine, and juicy, evidence of our cause for concern.

One need only Google, “what does the Bible say about gossip” to see how often and strongly God’s Word condemns gossip.

But why? With ministry gossip occurring as naturally as potholes in asphalt, why does the Bible speak so firmly against gossip?

Of course, we know that the subjects of our gossip could be hurt, but not if they don’t know. That’s why we lean forward, get quieter, and use more facial expressions as the details get more salacious. Heaven knows we don’t want to hurt anyone.

So why do we gossip as we serve, and why is it a big deal to God? Perhaps it’s less about the hurt we might cause someone else, and more about what it says about us. Generally, when one is gossiping, it is about something he would never do himself, or at least never get caught doing! Perhaps that means that gossiping is an expression of pride, something akin to “I would never consider that. I’m better than them.” In this way, perhaps gossip is a diversion from our own brokenness.

In Matthew 7:3, Jesus asked, “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?”

If gossiping makes us feel better about ourselves, then surely the fact that we’re doing it while doing the noble work of the Lord takes our sense of self-righteousness and self-satisfaction to a whole other level. Our gossip, clothed in prayer and compassion and shared while doing God’s work, makes us feel like saints.

Then we read the pleas of Matthew 7:22, “‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’

In other words, they’re saying “Lord, we did all these great things for you!” Jesus’ response clarifies his desire for humble faith, rather than prideful service.

My mentor once told me that “the church is a community of natural enemies inspired and empowered by Christ to live together peacefully, though many have simply been trained to look like we live together peacefully.” Why natural enemies? That was my question too. He explained that we each naturally pursue our own personal interests, and, at some level, we are each willing to devalue others to bring perceived value to ourselves. That devaluing of one another makes us natural enemies. Plenty of people openly pursue selfish gain despite obvious costs to others. But they don’t tend to be engaged in ministry. Those of us faithfully serving tend to put the needs of others first, sometimes. Then we tend to look like we’re putting the needs of others first, while discreetly devaluing others and putting ourselves first.

Gossip is an especially popular way of accomplishing this. If we’re bringing the faults of others to light as we keep the light away from our own brokenness, we just feel better about ourselves. Unfortunately, we’re deluding ourselves and making our own humble repentance that much more unlikely. We’re secretly, maybe even unknowingly, justifying our own sin, as we establish that it’s not that bad as compared to the subjects of our gossip.

We act as though we were a dollar short at the grocery store check-out and Jesus stepped forward with a dollar and spared us the embarrassment of needing to leave something at the register. Then we’re quick to tell our friends about the guy who was a hundred dollars short at the next register. Afterall, a dollar is so small. We almost had it. But how could that guy even approach the register with so many groceries without knowing that he could not pay for them?

No matter how good we think we are, or how bad we consider others, Jesus did not simply help us pay for our groceries. He didn’t help us with a small sin or short-coming. He pardoned us from a death sentence. Jesus, and only Jesus, saved us from an eternity of darkness. He blessed us far beyond what we can do for ourselves. When we know that, and we focus on who Jesus is, what he did for us, and what he promises us, the result is a humble gratitude that yearns to share rather than compete. Our natural tendencies are overridden by his supernatural influence.

Just like all those obstacles on the roads near my house, the key to successfully navigating the obstacles to following Jesus is focus. If we’re paying attention, humbly and gratefully focusing on Jesus, we avoid the trappings of gossip. But when our focus drifts to our own efforts or to the sins of others, our natural self-righteous tendencies will inevitably surface through highlighting the faults of others to feel better about ourselves.

Pay attention to the conversations around you. Do your contributions reflect humility and gratitude? I can assure you that the opportunity to gossip is always just a comment away. As your focus shifts, so goes your conversation. Like hitting the wrong railroad crossing too fast, the costs of gossip far outweigh the fun.