Overcoming Pride

Every Believer's Kryptonite

“Go and make disciples” was one of Jesus’ last and clearest instructions for those following him. But what did Jesus mean by “disciples”?

A common answer is someone who puts God first, then family, church, work… The problem with that answer is that Scripture never places God within a list, even first on a list. If God is on a list, he is the list. He is the Alpha and the Omega, the first and the last. I think he might respond, “I am (the list).”

So, what is a disciple?

A disciple is one consistently and increasingly focused on and connected to Jesus as he walks through every arena of his life.

“Abide in me, and I in you.

As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself,

unless it abides in the vine,

neither can you, unless you abide in me.

I am the vine; you are the branches.

Whoever abides in me and I in him,

he it is that bears much fruit,

for apart from me you can do nothing.”

John 15:4-5

When we spend significant time with someone else, we tend to absorb their tendencies or characteristics. For better or worse, we tend to adopt their perspectives, attitudes, language, even character. That’s why parents are concerned with their children’s friends. In Galatians 5:22, Paul tells us that the “fruit” bore by those who are consistently (abide) with Jesus is “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.”

When we are consistently focused and connected to Jesus, we are more loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind…

As we are distracted and our focus strays from Jesus, we are less loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind…

Discipleship is a personal process of repositioning ourselves physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually to abide in Jesus. Spiritual disciplines are the actions or practices we engage to do so.

To be disciples, we must:

·      acknowledge that our focus drifts from Jesus,

·      identify our personal distractions,

·      and engage in spiritual disciplines to offset our distractions and refocus on Jesus.

To make disciples, we must teach people how to do each of these three things, rather than simply giving everyone a one-size-fits-all approach to Bible study, prayer, and worship that may take them years to discover how to identify and address their specific needs.

Lately, my teaching has been focused on identifying some common distractions and the spiritual disciplines or combinations of spiritual disciplines that offset those distractions, helping a believer refocus on Jesus. I focused on busyness and fatigue as distractions, and rest, sleep, observing the Sabbath, and solitude as offsetting spiritual disciplines. Then I focused on consuming thoughts like shopping, sports, sex… and the spiritual disciplines of confession, collaboration, fasting, prayer, giving, and serving. Those are obvious distractions, meaning that we can see them in ourselves and perhaps even admit them easily.

This week, I’m introducing a more deceptive distraction. This one creates a blind spot for believers. This distraction is both universal and dangerous. You might say that PRIDE is every believer’s kryptonite.

“…pride and arrogance and the way of evil and perverted speech I hate.” – God

Proverbs 8:13

“When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom.”

Proverbs 11:2

Pride is deceptive because it has so many faces. It expresses itself differently in different people and in different circumstances. This makes it particularly hard to see in oneself. But if we’re going to overcome pride to refocus on Jesus, we must learn to identify it in our own thoughts, words, attitudes, and actions.

Here are a few faces of pride:

·       Fear is one of the most unrecognized faces of pride. There is a reason that “fear not” is the most common command in all of Scripture. Fear is the refusal to humbly rest in God’s sovereign care. Fear most often takes place when our circumstances are beyond our control, stemming from an underlying belief that we were somehow in control. Fear simultaneously reveals one’s lack of trust and toxic self-reliance.

·       The absence of prayer is a pride issue. It indicates self-sufficiency. It says to God, “I don’t need you. I’ve got this… I am the lord of my life.”

·       Entitlement is a face of pride. A sense of entitlement focuses on what one thinks he deserves – honor, love, success, rewards, comfort – rather than on Jesus. When the disciples argued over seating, their desire to be honored by Jesus overrode their desire to honor him.

·       The absence of gratitude is another face of pride. We live in a society with countless daily appeals for us to desire what we do not have. When our focus shifts to what we want rather than what we have been given, our grateful focus on the provider wanes.

·       Gossip is a face of pride, as it always frames oneself as smarter, better, kinder… than the subjects of our gossip.

·       Prejudice is another face of pride.

·       People pleasing reflects pride. The people pleaser thinks that self-satisfaction or self-benefit will come from man’s approval.

·       Hypocrisy, or thinking oneself better than others and/or better than one is, is a face of pride.

·       Being overly self-conscious or consumed with what others think of you is an expression of pride.

·       Insecurities that keep you from trying things you’d like to do for fear of looking foolish or being embarrassed reveal pride.

·       Being overly self-critical or a perfectionist, assuming that you have the potential or capacity for perfection is a face of pride.

·       The justification of cheating or taking short-cuts to get ahead or win is prideful.

·       Sarcasm is an expression of pride.

·       We reveal pride when we refrain from taking responsibility, then criticize those who do, suggesting we would have done it better.

·       Taking verbal jabs at those given responsibility or opportunities that we wanted or feel that we deserved highlights our pride.

·       Jealousy is a face of pride.

·       Self-pity is a face of pride.

·       Interrupting others is an expression of pride.

·       A know-it-all attitude is a face of pride.

·       If you’re reading this and thinking of someone else who needs it, rather than yourself, that’s a face of pride.

·       Being intentionally divisive, playing the devil’s advocate, is an expression of pride.

·       If you didn’t find yourself somewhere in this partial list of the faces of pride, that blind spot is likely an expression of pride.  

Pride is a universal distraction from Jesus, and it’s dangerous.

How do we overcome pride and refocus on Jesus?

What spiritual disciplines offset pride?

First, let’s clarify what we don’t do. We don’t ask God to humble us. Peter tells us (1 Peter 5:6) to “Humble yourselves.” Humility is not an emotion. It is an act of will, a decision, to think, speak, and act differently. It’s an intentional repositioning of oneself. God will not remove our responsibility to decide. We get to choose, and we must choose.

So, what are the spiritual disciplines that one might engage to overcome pride?

·      Repentance is the first. To repent is to commit to think, speak, and act differently.

·      Confession. To overcome one’s pride, one must confess to oneself, God, and perhaps to others.

·      Ask for forgiveness. If your pride has hurt others, you may need to own it and ask for their forgiveness.

·      Collaboration is joining with someone else in pursuing the shared goal of overcoming pride through developing a plan to overcome your false self and embrace the freedom of fallibility and transparency. Remember, anyone you ask will have a pride issue, though they may not recognize it in themselves. Sharing, reading, praying, accountability, fellowship, encouragement… may all be part of collaboration, but should be focused on overcoming this distraction from Jesus and refocusing you on Jesus.

·      Prayer, especially with another, about personal pride has a significant humbling effect.

·      Serving others may also help one overcome pride. However, research shows that serving must be purposeful and personal to lessen pride. In fact, multiple studies reveal that when serving is random or focused on nameless, faceless groups (i.e. the poor, homeless, incarcerated, unwed mothers…) those acts of service or giving more often enhance pride rather than inhibiting pride. When someone takes on an identity like “public servant” to serve vast numbers of nameless people, pride tends to increase rather than decrease. However, when we meet or know who we are serving, seeing the individual(s), we often realize that “but for the grace of God”, we could be on the receiving end of such service. It’s easier to love individuals than to love nameless members of a group. That love refocuses us.

·      Reading and learning Scripture that specifically addresses pride, perhaps even the specific face of pride that one tends to wear is an important piece of seeing pride for what it is and refocusing on Jesus.

·      Stepping outside of one’s comfort zone and trying something new or intimidating is a great part of a strategy to overcome pride. Learning to laugh at oneself within the endeavor is a healthy sign of overcoming the distraction of pride.

·      Sacrificing something you value for someone you love through giving is an incredibly effective spiritual discipline in overcoming pride and refocusing on Jesus. Like serving, giving may enhance pride. Yet, personal sacrificial giving tends to change us from the inside out.

·      Start a gratitude journal. Record sources of gratitude each evening without repeating any one item on the list for at least three weeks. Then start each morning by reading your list. Thank God each evening and morning for the items on your list. Gratitude has an unmistakable connection to humility.

·      Reflect on the cross. Admit that you’re broken. Embrace grace. Acknowledge that you need Jesus every day. Accept his forgiveness. Forgive yourself. Remember his promises. Anchor your hope there.

Neither my list of the faces of pride nor my list of spiritual disciplines is meant to be an exhaustive list. Rather, each is intended to get you thinking, to equip you to recognize your own distractions, and to develop your own effective combinations of spiritual disciplines that refocus you on Jesus whatever your season, circumstances, or distraction. Acknowledge that your focus drifts, identify your own current distractions, seek help, and find the combinations of spiritual disciplines that refocus you on Jesus. I’ll keep offering examples.

Discipleship is a lifelong journey because you’ll continually adjust your spiritual disciplines to offset your changing distractions.

Grace & Peace,

John