The Ditch
The initial crash of losing a loved one may have all the messiness of a chicken truck hit by a train or the silent scream of a shadow cast by a lonely back-alley streetlight. Yet, those left behind will often squeeze their raw emotions into the trunk, grab the steering wheel with clinched white knuckles, and look as though they’re taking a casual Sunday afternoon drive through the countryside.
Their route may wind through the vast wilderness between emotional maturity and emotional healing. The strong, but gutted, may overcome secret yearnings to pull the blinds and hide under the bed sheets for days on end. They may grow numb to the polite but insincere questions about their well-being; and they may look as though they jumped right back into the driver’s seat and merged into the middle lane as if nothing was lost. Though loss may fall unannounced like a summer hailstorm, shattering the windshield and sending them careening into a ditch deep with dark emotion.
The ditch, with its inopportune tears and words meant only for the gutter, steels one with shame as awkward loved ones shy away. From the ditch, one feels as though emotional healing follows the traffic, quietly disappearing over the horizon.
In the ditch, determination meets darkness. One is continuously stripped, beaten, and broken by the memories one dare not forget. Even the gentle winds bring grey skies that turn dark, and a mist turns torrent.
What if I had…?
How could God…?
Spinning questions that gain no traction leave one sinking deeper into the ditch.
Most will speed by without even noticing one sunk low in the ditch. Others will glance over, perhaps wondering without braking. Some will slow but think it too dangerous to stop.
We’ve offered, “Call if you need us.” But grieving phones don’t dial.
Alone with their pain, they sit, and sink… for months.
Don’t mistake emotional maturity with emotional healing. Great loss leaves deep wounds that heal slowly in mature and immature alike. Shortcuts and by-passes tend to end in the ditch.
Reach out. You don’t have to know how to get your friends out of the ditch. Sit in the ditch with them. A fully present friend is a gift more valued than gold to one stuck in the ditch.
Thanks for reading,
John Crosby