The Side Door

I’ve been leading weekly workplace bible studies for a quarter century. Our Bible studies are full of men who never previously attended a weekly Bible study. Many joined our groups as either unchurched or inactive church members. We’ve got guys who have been with us for over two decades and new guys coming in every month.

We’ve often had pastors visit our groups, decide they should start their own weekday Bible study, start inviting men, launch the study, limp along for a few months, and fold.

What’s the difference? How is it that we can draw hundreds of men each week to study God’s Word together in workplaces while so many pastors struggle to gain any significant momentum with men in their church and no measurable connection with men outside the church?

Is it simply location?

Is it my extraordinary Bible study writing skills?

Is it superior teaching?

Of course not!

But what is it?

Before giving my answer, I want to be clear about the origin of my answer. It is not theoretical. I was not taught this in church, seminary, nor by a mentor. While it may appear to be common sense, it’s anything but common. My answer comes from two and a half decades of trial, error, experience, and observation. My answer is simple and straight-forward, though the reasoning behind it is more complex and less than obvious to most.

To understand my answer, one must first understand men. For most men, fellowship is the single deepest most unmet need. Yes, men have much deeper needs than fellowship; but in the United States in 2023, most of us have met those recognized needs that are deeper than fellowship – water, food, clothing, shelter, safety, sufficient income, maybe marriage…

That leaves fellowship - a sense of belonging, equity, trusted friendship, mutual reliability, engagement with others, encouragement, accountability, knowing and being known - as a crucial need for most men.

Why else would men pay exponentially more for a beer in a bar full of men than they could pay to drink the same beer alone at home? Men flock to civic organizations, sporting events long beyond our capacity to compete, hunting & fishing clubs, and even some volunteer opportunities to meet our craving for fellowship.

But why don’t men tend to flock to church for the same opportunities? I think that’s a flaw in the modern-day church culture. When we unintentionally and quite innocently refer to church as a place or an event rather than a community of people, we may (also unintentionally) emphasize the sacred rather than the fellowship. While we may think men need the sacred more than they need fellowship, men are not craving the sacred and are clearly choosing fellowship elsewhere rather than within what they perceive as our sacred places and events.

Consider Jesus calling the first young men to follow him. To what did he call them? He did not call them to a sacred place or event. He called them into fellowship with him and with one another. He called them to walk with him, talk with him, eat with him, laugh with him, learn from him, and grow with one another. Were there sacred moments? Absolutely, but most were in the context of fellowship, rather than in a formal worship service. I doubt that Peter would have left his fishing boat only to sit in a pew or a classroom with a local rabbi. Yet, he left everything to get closer to the Lord through fellowship with a group of men.   

Every church values fellowship.

But few churches mix fellowship and worship well. We may mix worship and emotion or worship and teaching well, but not worship and fellowship the way Jesus did. My Jewish friends seem to do a much better job of this. Whatever the reason, I think our inability to effectively mix the two has contributed to men pushing back from church.

The church has always grown faster and deeper in places and times of persecution. Why? Largely because when one can be arrested or killed for your faith the worship is far less formal and the fellowship is far more intense, as opposed to those places and times when the church enjoys little to no tension in our environment and the emphasis shifts to the sacredness of buildings, worship services, and more shallow socializing than fellowshipping.

When the focus shifts to buildings and services, the men who are “going to church” change how they think they are supposed to talk and act when they are in a church building or service; but not necessarily how they think they are supposed to talk and act apart from the building or service. So, they unwittingly don the mask of the hypocrite, causing others, and more concerning, themselves, to feel that they are inauthentic when they are “at church.” And we wonder why they are not thrilled about coming to our events in our buildings.

Our focus on sacredness without genuine fellowship has taught them how to look rather than how to live, and the better the man, the less likely he’ll be anything but repulsed.

Yes, every church offers some form of fellowship, but preconceived perceptions limit the openness of many to really engage at the level one might at a game or even in a bar.

Of course, some men experience genuine fellowship on church properties. Yet, they often become part of the obstacle for others as they cannot grasp why other men can’t find what they have found “at church.” They often fail to understand what is causing others to resist their invitations, and then fill in the blank with a host of inaccurate assumptions about those they have invited and society in general.

So how does this shape my answer concerning our Bible study success?

First, to reach unchurched men and inactive church members, we respect their perception of the church’s emphasis on the sacred rather than their craving for fellowship, and how that may make them feel. Afterall, the church has created that perception. In our ministry, we do this by hosting our Bible Studies in nonchurch or nonministry properties.

Are we replacing their involvement in church services and ministries? Absolutely not. In fact, most men who attend our Bible studies eventually accept an invitation from another member to get involved in their church. We’re simply providing a foundation of fellowship, study, and growth as a side door into the church that leads a man to authenticity while embracing the more sacred focus of church services.

Second, we build fellowship into every Bible study. How? We invest the first third, sometimes as much as half, of each one-hour Bible study in asking for prayer concerns and praises. Sure, we occasionally get guys who ask if we can jump into the meat of the study quicker and cover more material during the hour. But the groups who try that, quickly start losing traction. Why?

Because while most guys value the actual study of the Word, EVERY guy craves fellowship.

It’s through hearing and identifying with the prayer concerns and praises of others, that we get to know one another and gain the trust and confidence to share our own concerns and stories. Then as we share, we increasingly feel known, appreciated, encouraged, and allow ourselves to be challenged. Then two actions tend to follow – we invite others to join our fellowship and we take the next step toward Jesus in worshipping with a local church.

Perhaps you’re wondering why I would write about Bible studies from a leader’s perspective in a blog dedicated to prodigals. It’s because whether you are a church member or leader wishing to reach more men, you’re one of those people pushing back against the church’s efforts to reach you, or you’re marginally involved (trying to meet expectations) but feeling unfulfilled, I hope you see yourself in what I have described and perhaps you can use a side door to find your way or help others into the joy and fulfillment of a growing fellowship with Jesus.

Grace & Peace,

John Crosby